Follow this checklist one at a time. They are in order. Then you will get out of bottom. Trust me.

1) Acknowledge that you’ve been trying to be chosen by other people or things. Stop that.

2) Take a shower. You smell like bottom. Scrub hard. Wash your hair.  Shave. Brush your teeth. Oh, go to the bathroom before you shower. Stand  outside the shower naked, wet, take a picture of yourself and post it  on facebook (kidding).

3) Sleep 8-10 hours. Sleeping is  rejuvenating. You won’t care if you go broke while you sleep. You also can’t obsess on loneliness while you sleep. In general, sleeping is  pretty good. If you are having trouble sleeping, take some natural  remedy or take some anti-anxiety medicine. Whatever it takes – you need  to sleep. I was addicted to Klonopin for quite some time when I had to  learn to sleep.

3) Bed Yoga. For ten minutes before you go to sleep and for ten minutes when you wake up, just be quiet and stretch.

Stretch more. Breathe deep. Look for the light that’s peeking out of  the window, listen to the sounds. Stretch some more. Think of the things  you are grateful for, even if they are few.

4) Exercise. Take a walk for ten minutes. That’s it. We’re trying to get off of bottom here. You don’t need to go to the gym for an hour. When you walk try to look at the rooftops. Find the prettiest rooftop. Look at the people who  pass you. Each one is absorbed in their world. They are all time  traveling to their regrets or their fears. Just for a little bit you can  walk and you don’t have to time travel.

5) Protein. Don’t load  up on carbs today. Eat eggs. Then eat fish for a late lunch, early  dinner. No carbs. Just try it. It can’t hurt. I promise you you won’t  starve. People eat well in the United States. And don’t eat a lot. Late  breakfast, early dinner. That’s it.

6) No alcohol. Alcohol is a  depressant and causes cancer and stomach troubles. Why add that to your  misery? I get it – you lose inhibitions on alcohol and that helps you  to be more courageous. But you don’t need it today. There’s nothing to  be courageous for.

7) Don’t talk to people who will put you  down. If you have to be around them ( a boss, a child, a parent, a  spouse, etc) then just don’t engage. Don’t gossip with them. Don’t try  to please them. Don’t call them back. Don’t say to yourself, “well, I  have to call them back.” You don’t. Do you think 100 years from now it  will matter if you call them back today? 100 years from now nobody will  care at all what you did today.

8) Read. Read books that will  make you smarter or that will make you laugh. Or books that will make  you feel spiritual. Actually, this morning read all of the above. Every  since I hit bottom I try to read all three categories every day. This is  not to say, “oh, I’m so great, I read these three types of books every  day”. It’s just that if I don’t I can hit bottom again. Gravity works on  the soul. If you don’t keep it up, then gravity drags it down to the  bottom again. I hate that.

9) Write. I write every day. I’m  writing this. Sometimes I write bad stuff. Sometimes I write ok stuff.  Sometimes I write things I’m happy with. But everything I write  exercises my brain. The brain is constantly forming connections between  neurons. If you don’t use those connections they start to freeze and  then stagnate.

Repeat 1-9 tomorrow.

10) Surrender. If  you do all of the above, then there’s nothing  else you can do. You did  the prep. There’s no excuses. There’s no reason for you to say, “I  can’t enjoy the summer. My bike is broken!” So what? You’ll find other  ways to enjoy it. Take the 10-day excuse diet. You don’t need excuses  anymore. Excuses are for people trying to be chosen by others. They drag  you down.

If you did #1-9, you did the preparation. You’re still at bottom. You’re still broke and lonely. People are still not choosing you. But you are choosing yourself.

I’m not psychic. I lied to everyone because I thought it would make people like me.

But then I started to choose myself and I came all the way back. For  now.